Helping My Son Prepare for Uni
Tom and me on holiday in the South of France
When your child is considering higher education, you are given enormous amounts of information about the many universities available and what they are able to offer your child – courses, accommodation, facilities, nightlife and the endless possibilities for new experiences. What you are often not given is information about how, as a parent, to navigate these choices and the eventual move.
My son Tom is currently in his final year studying Geography at the University of Winchester. It is an experience that he has embraced wholeheartedly but the journey getting there, as a parent, was often a little bewildering, slightly overwhelming and, at times, extremely emotional. Here's my experience and advice on how best to prepare as you enter this new chapter.
Which university to choose
When it came to looking at universities, we were still in strange times after Covid, so a lot of research had to be done via online tours. We are now looking at universities with our daughter and what I can say is that the experience of being on a campus and looking at the accommodation in person is extremely important. So much of the decision comes down to that intangible quality – the feel.
We were fortunately able to visit Winchester in person and Tom knew without question that this was where he wanted to be. He was able to speak to students who were studying on the course that he liked and the staff who lead it. We were also able to visit the city and the surrounding area. University is so much more than just the course and the campus, so my advice would be to look around as much as you possibly can. It is tiring and the amount of information you receive can be overwhelming, but until you see the campus, speak to the staff and students, you really will not know whether it is right.
Accommodation and student finance
Choosing which accommodation to go for is a very personal thing so try to look at all the options on offer. Winchester offered accommodation tours with real students showing us their rooms - a great chance to be nosy and ask all the important questions.
University open days usually offer the opportunity to attend talks about everything from student life and the courses available to accommodation and finances. Student loans were a complete mystery to me until I attended one of these talks. The information I received was concise, clear and when it came to applying, I felt more confident in the process.
The harsh fact is that university is expensive. Tom receives a percentage of the maintenance grant, we give him money each month for living expenses and rent, and he also works. He has a job at home in a local pub but also works for the University as a Senior Student Ambassador. Fortunately, he is very good with money; some students might need parental support in setting up a student bank account or budgeting. Also, make sure you check if you're eligible for any funding, scholarships or bursaries - and get the deadlines for applying in your diary.
Preparing for life away from home
Learning to cook is a key skill. When I was at university I lived on pasta and vodka for the first year and I wanted our son to start with slightly better standards! Fortunately, he is a keen, if slightly creative cook, so this was not a challenge
Other considerations are money management, time management – a biggie for our son who used to see a deadline as slightly fluid and practical things such as how to use a washing machine and decipher a care label.
Arriving in halls is daunting for new students but encourage your son or daughter, not to hide away in their room on moving in day – be brave, grab a drink (be it tea or something stronger), and sit in a common area like the kitchen. Everyone will pass through, and it is a great way to break the ice and start to get to know your new flatmates.
Packing and arrivals day at Winchester
My husband would love a smaller, sportier car, but until the university days are behind us, this is not going to happen! Our car was packed to bursting with the family squeezed in around kitchen utensils and bedding. The longer our son is at uni the more he seems to accumulate, so by the time he finishes in the summer we will need a lorry to get him home!
Despite the sheer number of students arriving on the same day, the process was smooth and stress free. We were able to park near the accommodation and then were given time to make numerous trips from the car with all of Tom’s belongings and there were lots of students on hand offering help should we have needed it.
One of the wonderful things about Winchester is that everything is within walking distance, so we headed off to the supermarket for provisions and the pub for fortification! The city centre was a blissful downhill 10-minute walk – I’ll not mention the walk back up.
I’ll be honest, leaving was horrendous. There was a lot of crying from us all, and for a moment I wasn’t sure that I was able to leave him. He’s still my baby, even though he’s six foot and has a beard. However, he had made friends with a couple of other new starters over the summer and one of them was moving into his building. By the time the lift had dropped us off at the bottom floor, me still sobbing, Tom was opening a bottle of beer with his new friend.
During his first year Tom took part in this photoshoot for the university
Staying in contact
The first few weeks were the hardest for me, in fact probably the first term if I am honest. During the first couple of weeks, we would speak most days. It was a big adjustment for us all but as Tom settled in, we fell into a routine of speaking a few times a week. It is so incredibly easy to keep in touch these days and we use WhatsApp as our favoured form of communication. We are lucky that Winchester is only a couple of hours away from us, so we are able to pop by and visit for a day as and when we want to.
Tom is now in his final year at Winchester and each year has been different. There have been ups and downs, both with regards to coursework and friendships, but I have discovered that young people are amazingly resilient and adaptable. To put it into perspective, many of the phonecalls I get from Tom now are along the lines of “Mum, I’m in the shop, you know that dip you make, the one with the feta…” and this is a great type of call to receive.
My final piece of advice
What I can say with absolute certainty is that the University of Winchester was the right choice for Tom, and us all as a family.
It is small enough to be friendly and nurturing and large enough to offer variety and independence. It is an incredibly welcoming place that provides opportunities that you might not have thought of and may take your child in directions that they had not anticipated. Top that with an amazing city full of culture, restaurants, bars, shopping and a beautiful Christmas Market and, to be honest, it is incredibly hard to find any negatives. I really suggest that you come and see for yourself.
Blog kindly written by Clare, mother of third-year Geography student Tom.
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