In real life, it’s usually easier to joke with others – we can hear their laugh and see their facial muscles contort, which in turn elicits more laughter from us. It’s harder, when people are only represented by their words online, to gage how funny they find your own words. Can you justify tweeting about how ugly you think someone is by pointing out the “haha jk” and the crying-with-laughter emoji you put at the end?

And, even if that person replies with the same emoji, who’s to say that, really, they’re not secretly crushed by your comment?

Here’s a case in point – Jemima was part of a lively group chat and made some sarcastic comments to one the members. Jemima knew it was in good humour, of course – she’d never seriously slag her friend off! Then she received a DM from this friend, who hadn’t seen the funny side.

Immediately, Jemima replied with a series of apologetic messages, explaining that she’d only meant it as a joke. It wasn’t that her friend had no sense of humour – it was just impossible for Jemima to see that her friend wasn’t laughing when she couldn’t see her.

Sure, everyone wants to have a laugh. But, online, you might go on giggling for hours, days, weeks even, before you notice that someone’s turned away, left the room and gone to hide from a ‘joke’ that actually hurt them. It’s okay, as Jemima found, to make a mistake and make it right as soon as you’ve realised the damage. Just be careful – different people have different senses of humour; a playful nudge to one friend can be a painful stab to another.

• Ask yourself first – would you find it funny if someone said it to you?
• Think about insecurities. Different people are sensitive to different things.
• If someone makes it clear that they aren’t enjoying the ‘banter’, stop.

Likewise, if someone’s jokes are actually offending you, you can make it clear that you want them to stop. Of course, it can be difficult to speak up and let someone know that they have offended you. But you can report them – to a friend or someone whom you trust. Ideally, unintentional abuse can be dealt with quietly. No matter what, your university is here to help you.

“No offence but…”
…is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said. Claiming that you’re not being offensive before saying something offensive doesn’t instantly make it okay to say! So, you can’t simply dismiss bullying as ‘just banter’ – any behaviour that causes someone harm is bullying. Banter is funny for everyone involved. Bullying and harassment aren’t.