Victims

Victims

Am I being bullied or harassed online?


If you ever find yourself asking this question, some good advice is always to trust your gut instinct. No-one knows you better than you. If you are feeling uncomfortable about online communications with another person then it is useful to know what steps you can take next. After all, you don’t want to trap yourself into a situation by just ignoring it.


1. Identify the type of bullying or harassment it might be.


This may help you have a clearer picture of what it is you’re going through. Being a victim of cyberbullying or online harassment can be an overwhelming experience, so doing something as simple as defining the situation may be a good first step to take. Also, if you choose to talk to someone about the issue, then this may help them to have a better understanding of what is happening too.
There are many different types of online abuse, so have a look at our list of online bullying behaviours to help narrow it down.


2. Next Steps


Once you have identified what kind of online bullying or harassment is affecting you, then there are many different routes that you can now pursue. It’s important to remember that every case is unique, so a route of action that worked well for someone else may not work so well for you. Here’s a list of tips of both what to do and what not to do – after all, the very last thing that you would want would be to make the situation worse.

What to do and what not to do

Don’t feel you have to reply to the message – It’s very difficult to suffer any kind of abuse from someone and not want to stand up for yourself. But in the context of online abuse, while responding may be fine, retaliating is something you should really avoid. Replying to your bully or harasser in a similar fashion could encourage them to keep on doing it, and you will most likely find the issue escalates even further. You don’t want to lower yourself to their level and risk reinforcing their behaviour. But if you want to say something, then straightforward and assertive is the way – ‘I don’t like this, it is hurtful, I would like you to stop now’. Just don’t think that you can, or that you need to, win the argument on their terms.

 

Talk in person

If it feels safe to do so, if you know who is abusing you, then perhaps consider approaching them face to face and ask them politely to stop. In some cases they may not even realise that what they are doing is offensive, so will hopefully be apologetic and grateful that you have pointed out their errors. But no matter if their actions were accidental or intentional, it is a good thing that they are being told directly that what they have done is hurtful and wrong. For example, you might say ‘You may not realise how this affects me, but…’.


Make sure that you remain calm and talk with a neutral tone. That way you can have a mature discussion rather than a confrontation that probably won’t solve anything. Avoid blaming or getting angry. Rehearse it first with a friend if that helps.


However the person making the posts chooses react to this will also indicate the type of person they are and how to move forward with this issue. For instance if they immediately get aggressively defensive, then you most likely need to take this matter further to student services or anyone else that can help you.

Tell someone you trust

When you’re going through an experience such as this, or any troubling experience for that matter, one of the worst feelings is to think that you are on your own. It’s just one of those moments where you go through something rubbish and you think ‘I’m not going to tell anyone, they’ll never understand how I feel and I don’t want to burden them with my own problems’. But the people who care about you won’t want you to bottle it all up. Yes, not everyone you talk to will be able to give you the advice that you really need – not everyone has those skills – but it will help you just get everything off your chest. Building your own strong support network to turn to will prove to be extremely useful, whether it’s to do with cyberbullying, harassment or any other issue in your life. However, if you are in a situation where you feel like you don’t have anyone you can talk to – or even if you do – then talk to the University’s Student Services. They will definitely have people who will listen to you and who will give you the support that you need. And the University wants to know if this sort of thing is going on.

 

Save and make a record

It’s perfectly understandable that when receiving hurtful messages online all you would want to do would be to immediately delete the messages, IM app or account. Whilst doing this may give you some peace of mind, it doesn’t mean that you are simply erasing the problem from your life. Perpetrators can always find a way to carry on the abuse.

It is a good idea to print off screenshots of the bullying before deleting, even if you don’t intend to report it right now – you may change your mind later – or things may escalate.. This is a great way to have the evidence to hand, without having to keep it from plaguing your device screen. But not to worry if you have deleted the messages before making a record! For example, all internet service providers and the police have ways of tracking emails. This is because all emails carry information which shows the path the email has taken before it reaches you. For more information take a look at the Myth of ‘Private’ Messaging page.
Also, if you are experiencing ongoing or sustained harassment, you may want to look at https://www.onlinesosnetwork.org/

Contact your Internet Service Provider

Most ISPs have email addresses specifically for the purpose of receiving complaints about cyber-bullying occurring on their network. Typically the address will be something like ‘abuse@hotmail.com’ or ‘abuse@btinternet.com’ etc.

 

Contact the Message Board Firms

If the online abuse is on a message board, then the best thing to do would be to find the ‘help’ section of the board where you can find an address to complain to. All message boards run by private individuals are hosted by firms, who are usually swift in shutting down anything that has been reported for allowing abuse to be posted.

 

Change your contact details (IM, email or phone number)

Think of it as your ‘fresh start’. When used safely and for the right reasons, social media can be an amazing thing! You shouldn’t have to stop using it just because someone else is using it to cause distress and harm to others. When you create new IM details, make sure that you only give it to people you really trust and who are genuine friends.

 

Contact anti-bullying/harassment services

It can be extremely beneficial for someone suffering from online bullying to talk to a professional. There are voluntary services that will be able to provide you with support, and you can get in contact with your student services as well. They will want to ensure that your university experience is as positive as possible. You will find many of these resources on the ADVICE  page.

 

Report it to your University

If the harasser/bully is a member of the University community (staff or student) then they will be breaking our rules if they are harassing or bullying you. It does not matter if the behaviour occurs on a site or in a place that does not belong to the University. You can report here.

 

And finally, the most important piece of advice…

Do not be ashamed – you have done nothing wrong.

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