Top Tips for Parents

One of the most significant differences with students at university is that, once they turn eighteen, they are considered to be adults under the law. Decisions that would have been made with or by parents are now the responsibility of the student. This means that all of our interactions must be directly with the student, and they are responsible for their life at university – including the bills and what they choose to tell you about. This is quite a change from life before university.

Unlike school or sixth form college, universities cannot disclose anything to you about how your son or daughter is progressing, academically or personally. The Data Protection Act 1998 means that their information is their own, and it is their choice as to whether and how they want to share it. This includes everything from their address to their degree result.

Yes, you can do this, of course. As a parent it can be very difficult to feel that your son or daughter is struggling or unhappy, and only natural to want to help. There are lots of support services at the University that you can encourage your student to access; and if you know something that would help us to help them, it is fine to tell us about it. We will always take such information into account, and use it to help inform any decisions that we make. If we are already aware of a problem it may help us to have more information about it; if we were not aware, we might find a way to check up on the student if it seems serious. It helps if you give us permission to say that it was you who informed us, but we can also respect your confidentiality if you want us to.

We won’t be able to tell you the outcome, but we do usually encourage the student to call you and tell you themselves.

Yes, we do, but this is in relation to the student as an adult. It is, therefore, the student’s responsibility to engage with the University regarding any support offered to them. Where there are differing levels of vulnerability we take those into account and may involve other services, like the GP. Unless it is an extreme circumstance, this is always in agreement with the student and they are in control of who knows what about them.
Where there are exceptional circumstances, in which the risk outweighs confidentiality, there would usually be other services involved too, such as the NHS. In some very serious circumstances, we might call the parent, or the student’s named emergency contact, with the student’s permission wherever possible. If the student is in trouble, but not at grave or life-threatening risk, the University will not usually contact anyone without the student’s permission.

In some situations, this can be really helpful. It means that we have their permission to listen to you and to answer any specific questions that you have. It also means that we can call you and update you if necessary, although we won’t be able to provide regular updates as we would usually expect the student to do this themselves. You can pass on information that you think we should know that the student may not have mentioned.

What it doesn’t mean is that you can represent the student, that is, talk on their behalf. They can’t just ‘hand over’ to you. They would still be the person we are working with and they would still need to talk with us directly about what they needed. There are extreme circumstances where this is different, for example if they are very unwell for a period of time, but this is exceptional.

We encourage disabled students to make contact with our services as soon as possible. This can include over Arrivals Weekend, when parents are welcome to accompany students to the appointment and to wait outside during it (the appointment itself is just between the disability adviser and the student). This is the same for all disability appointments, and in fact for all support appointments that we offer.

This can be the first time after years of going with your son or daughter into meetings to explain their needs that you have to let them ‘fly solo’, and it can be difficult to feel sure that they will pass on all the right information. However, it is good for them to understand from the start that this is going to be their responsibility. All of our advisers are very experienced and will take the time to understand each student and their requirements, making a second appointment if they are not sure they have got everything they needed at the first one.

University is often the start of a different but positive relationship between children and parents, as both parties get used to the change in role. Now is the time to support them in defining their own lives and developing the self-control and confidence in their own decision-making that will guide them through their adult lives.

Stay in touch with your son or daughter, but realise that the frequency and type of contact will change. Talk with them directly if you are concerned, and let them know they can talk to you. The University has excellent support services; please do encourage them to come and see us if you or they are worried – they can find details on our intranet (search for Student Services), or they can call in to our reception The Zone which is in the Main Building, centrally located and easy to get to.

Find out more at:

• Student services
• Students and money